


[Three Word Lullaby] Side Stories

by Molnija



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, F/F, Gen, M/M, Side Story, check the a/n for more details ~, more stuff tba!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-01-22 02:30:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12471472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Molnija/pseuds/Molnija
Summary: additional stories for my Akaoi Choir AU, Three Word Lullaby!some of them can be read without context, but some won't make any sense if you don't know the main story. more info in the A/N!





	1. Nametsu Mai

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Three Word Lullaby](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8873794) by [Molnija](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Molnija/pseuds/Molnija). 



> I've been saying for a while that I've been wanting to post the Mai side story to 3wl but I never actually did it. but now it's finally happening, and I'm working on some other side stories as well! so even if you're not reading 3wl (in which case, check it out if you wanna?) you might find something here that appeals to you. ... well, once I'm done writing it ... I won't promise anything in terms of speed, only that I'm continuously working on it.
> 
> **stories**
> 
>  _[posted]_ SIDE STORY I - NAMETSU MAI (implied Mai/Yachi, a conversation between Mai and Oikawa that was mentioned in chapter 24 and goes into their background. won't make much sense if you don't know the main story, but maybe that won't stop you, I wouldn't know.)  
>  _[posted]_ SIDE STORY II - BOKUTO KOUTAROU (Bokuto/Kuroo, their first kiss  & details on their journey in the story. no knowledge is required, you can just read it like your normal everyday band AU oneshot/twoshot!)  
>  _[posted]_ SIDE STORY III - OIKAWA TOORU (Akaashi/Oikawa, the daily sufferings of That One Tenor Who's Not As Smug As He Likes To Appear. more of a fill-in to the main story, so you should probably know that one.)
> 
>  _[in planning]_ SIDE STORY IV - TERUSHIMA YUUJI (Futakuchi/Terushima, and whatever the heck their relationship is supposed to be ... probably won't need prior knowledge of the story, it's supposed to be just something fun and cute that happens to play in this universe.)  
>  _[in planning]_ SIDE STORY V - KUROO TETSUROU (Bokuto/Kuroo, how their relationship progresses after the Bokuto one. picks up where that one has left off and shows a resolution ... hopefully. only knowledge of the Bokuto one will be required, because duh.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“What happened to you?” Keiji asks and snorts. He looks like he has no idea what he’s even doing here, let alone who that guy who just came out of the bathroom is._   
>  _“Mai-chan,” he answers surprisingly quickly and he’s about to nod understandingly until he freezes in motion and now it’s his turn to stare at him with no idea what he’s talking about._   
>  _“Hold on, Mai?”_   
>  _“Yup.” He drops his phone and rolls into his back, now more resembling a tired cat than anything else. “I couldn’t sleep last night, so I went out to take a walk and ran into her.”_
> 
> \-- Three Word Lullaby, Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **set between chapter 23 & 24**
> 
> now that I have the explanation what the heck even happened out with chapter 29, I finally feel comfortable posting this ... it does spoil the identity of Mystery Girl but that's not going to be all that important anyway, since Keiji doesn't know her personally.
> 
> I actually finished this a while ago, so I don't really know anymore what I wanted to say about it, pff. something like "go to bed, you two" probably. she said, at 1AM ...
> 
> honestly, this one isn't all that interesting even if you do know the main story. I just wanted to go into Mai's feelings on the whole thing a bit and illustrate it more clearly just how serious it is to her, since Keiji doesn't know half of it. ah yes, the disadvantages of being limited to a single POV ... but hey, that's what side stories are for!
> 
> ... also I feel a little bit bad for being so slow with updates on 3wl. which I did announce because I'm busy on that dang Halloween oneshot I've rewritten three times now but still. it feels wrong. ch30 is actually almost done and boy, is it a bunch of cheese, but it's not QUITE ready yet. though if I power through it I might make it tonight still ... which would render this update-that's-not-an-update null and void but hEY

When she looks at Akaashi, Mai sees a certain friend from high school.

Not because they’re similar; in fact, they are nothing alike, one quiet and reserved, the other anxious, but bubbly and bright. The only thing they have in common is that strange fascination with Oikawa Tooru.

She’s not blind, she’s very capable of seeing the way Akaashi looks at him. Sometimes she wonders why nobody has pointed it out yet, but maybe it’s just because they’re friends and he usually keeps to himself that the others haven’t noticed.

But she cannot, under any circumstances, let him fall in love with him further.

The night sky is vast above her, much more brightly coloured here on the countryside than in the city, and she’s humming the melody of _Spica_ to herself while walking along the lake, lost in her own thoughts. Now that everybody has gone to bed, it’s peaceful here, and while she usually doesn’t relish in silence, sometimes it can be nice to have some space to yourself.

Thinking back to the way Akaashi and Oikawa were hanging off each other at the Monopoly game, she feels a sting in her heart. He looked so happy, and of course she wants her friends to be happy – taking the person that’s the cause of it away from him hardly seems fair. But even more so, she wants to protect them from inevitable heartbreak. She can’t tell Akaashi what to do, obviously, but she’ll keep trying her best to keep them apart. Letting Kuroo send them off alone at the festival was already too much leeway she’s given Oikawa.

Sometimes she feels like they could get along, but then she remembers her friend crying in her arms, and herself, unable to do anything to make the person she loved feel better.

She balls her hands to fists and looks out onto the lake, lying there still and reflecting the stars. It looks a lot like what she feels when singing _Spica_ , bright and clear and beautiful. The notes are a bit higher than her usual range, but after practicing so much, she can hit them with ease.

There’s another song hidden in there somewhere, a more melancholic one, one she keeps in her heart for that person and that person alone.

A soft wind plays with her hair as she turns around and takes a deep breath before opening her mouth. “ _Did those birds not break free / to feel the wind in their wings? / They have not been made earth-bound / thus, they crave the air._ ”

She stops when she sees a figure approaching, a silhouette in the dark she can’t make out for a few seconds until he comes close enough to reveal himself as Oikawa. Wonderful – the last person she wanted to see.

He halts in his tracks when he sees her, clearly surprised to find her here. It’s very late – or rather very early, sunrise almost illuminating the night sky already, and nobody else is awake.

They stand there in silence for a while, contemplating whether one of them should leave. It’s clear that there’s nothing to be said between them, and yet it seems like the air is full of unspoken words.

Eventually, he says, “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

If it was someone else, she would have snarked back, but her voice and gaze remain cold. “I don’t know why you would care.”

“I mean … Keiji already passed out once, I thought that taught us all …” He shuts up when he sees her eyes narrow, takes a step back the she doesn’t follow.

“Don’t call him that,” Mai says. “Don’t pretend like you care.”

His surprised expression grows wary and he stands up a bit straighter, but while Mai might be shorter, she’s still staring him down. Such intimidation tactics won’t work on her. “Careful, if I were you I wouldn’t want to assume anything. You clearly have the wrong idea.”

“I know exactly what’s going on with you. I’ve seen it all happen. I bet you don’t even remember, but if you dare hurt Aka-kun—”

“I would _never_ ,” he interrupts her sharply, emphasising the word like it’s everything he has, “hurt Keiji.”

It’s stated with such sincerity she almost believes him.

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because I like him?” His tone annoys her, but thankfully it quickly switches back. “I understand you’re worried, but Keiji is … Very special to me. There’s no way in hell I’d ever hurt him.”

It’s so painful. She wants to genuinely believe him having feelings for her friend, and to some extent she does, but she remembers that night very clearly and back then, she decided to never let anything like it happen again.

“Why him?” she asks, quietly but forcefully, and something in Oikawa’s eyes lights up.

“I doubt you want to hear the whole story.”

“So you don’t have a reason.”

“I have a million reasons, Mai-chan,” he quietly retorts. “But they’re not for you to hear, not before him at least. I don’t mind you, but I don’t trust you either.”

Their banter back at the Monopoly game felt almost playful, but now, everything in the air between them is sheer hostility. Half of her wants to leave, but that would mean admitting defeat and allowing him to do whatever he wants. Sometimes she thinks she’s being too harsh on him, but she’ll gladly play the villain if it means protecting Akaashi. “That makes two of us. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t do anything to you if you give me no reason to you. Regardless of what you think, I respect you as my senpai. But this is a warning. If you so much as think about getting close to him just so you can rip his heart out and drop him like trash, you will regret ever having come to this school.”

Her voice is so cold it could have frozen the entire lake over, but Oikawa’s expression doesn’t change. “There will be no need. I suppose there’s no point in trying to convince you that my feelings are genuine, so I’m not sure why I’m even trying …” He sighs and shakes his head, shrugs, as if there were no stakes to this at all. “You can’t keep me away from him. That’s Keiji’s choice to make, and his alone.”

She can’t necessarily argue with that. In the end, what Akaashi wants is what counts. But Akaashi doesn’t know what happened, and she’s still trying to find a way to tell him, even though it’s so hard when he looks so content whenever he is talking about Oikawa.

“I know that,” Mai states as matter-of-factly as she can manage.

“Then what are we still arguing about?”

Oh, she positively _despises_ that he has a point.

“I’m going to bed,” she says after a too-long delay, turns around, and gives him a cold stare over her shoulder. “And you should too, unless you want to end up the one who passed out.”

“Is that concern I’m hearing in your voice?” Oikawa asks mockingly, obviously knowing very well that she’s holding back a ‘not that I would mind’. If he wasn’t her senpai, it would have slipped out. “Well then, _good night_.”

They have nothing to say to each other – she knows that maybe, just maybe, if they found a way to connect and sort out their differences, that could change, but neither of them wants to admit it.

If nothing else, they’re alike in their pettiness.

In the end, they’re both doing it for Akaashi, or so she hopes. If he’s that insistent on it, there has to be some truth to his words. As long as her friends are happy, Mai will be, even reluctantly so … Oikawa has done nothing to earn her trust, but so far there’s only been one thing to betray it, and that was years ago.

And there’s one thing … One last thing she’s never bothered to say.

“Before you go …” She’s staring at the ground, taking a deep breath, closing her eyes and opening them again in a spiteful resolve. “Thank you.”

The silence from Oikawa is deafening in its sheer confusion.

“At the concert. For going after Aka-kun and calming him down.”

She hates thinking back to that day. It wasn’t nice for anyone, certainly not for Akaashi but not for herself, either. Filling in his blanks in a clumsy manner unbecoming for the standard she set for herself, and then just letting him go and breaking down while Oikawa was the only one who didn’t give a damn and being helpful, all of that was so embarrassing.

At least the sleepover seemed to help. _Take that, Oikawa-san._

Mai expects him to tease her about it, maybe give a stupid ‘what was that? I didn’t catch it, please repeat it’, but what she gets instead is a sincere, “Don’t feel bad about it. There was no right thing to do in that situation. I just acted on instinct.”

He’s making this very difficult.

“Let’s just agree to stay out of each other’s way for now,” she eventually manages to say, though those words don’t mean she won’t be careful and watch out for whatever he might be doing. “But don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

“Forgotten what?”

His voice indicates he has an idea, but she doesn’t believe it. “Nothing you deserve to know if you can’t remember it yourself.”

It’s pretty rude, but she owes this to her.

Maybe it would have been best if she’d never joined the choir after all. She knew Oikawa was on it and there were plenty of alternatives – but to stand with the best, sacrifices have to be made. Honestly, she was fine with him in the beginning, too; even though he never did give her that autograph from Iwaizumi and the rest of the volleyball team like she asked him to, they got along, since they had not much to do with each other and it was easy to repress that past.

But why in the world did she have to befriend the guy who’d fall in love with him? It’s like the universe just wants for her to suffer about this for all eternity.

But she won’t forgive and forget. She will _never_ forget. For Akaashi’s sake and her own – but most of all for Hitoka’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder if they'll ever make up. I say that, even though I know whether or not they will, just to be mean to people who don't. ha.


	2. Bokuto Koutarou

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 8 missed calls from Bokuto Koutarou _, the screen reads and he immediately regrets his idea.  
>  Why would Bokuto call him? He knows he doesn’t like to call, that’s why he usually just texts. And eight times, the last of which has been mere minutes ago? His friend may exaggerate a lot of things, but this is uncharacteristic even for him.  
> Did something happen?  
> Before even thinking about it properly, he jams in his code and taps the call button. Tooru looks over his shoulder, but he doesn’t have the time to explain anything. If Bokuto is in trouble, he has to know immediately._
> 
> \-- Three Word Lullaby, Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **set during chapter 23, back at home**
> 
> ah yes, the pain. like I said in the first A/N, no knowledge of 3wl is required for this (at least I hope so, I tried to make the setting understandable without being too overbearing for the people who DID read it so uh if you have questions on it go ahead)! if you do know the main story, the phone call may seem very familiar to you, ha.
> 
> I'll warn you now though, this is only the first half of a larger story. it's gonna be concluded in a Kuroo oneshot later down the line, for now it ends kinda cliffhangery, so if you wanna know how their story ends you have to wait for that one, sorry ... or you could just read 3wl if you're getting impatient. but I won't force you to sit through almost 200k words (at the point of writing this A/N) of slowburn just to figure out how the Bokuroo ends. so. uhm. no idea when I'll get to that since 3wl isn't even at that point yet, so I wouldn't mind you bailing //coughs. or maybe you just came to feel things. in which case I guess it doesn't really matter.
> 
> writing Bokuto is always an experience. I actually like doing it a lot, he has a much different view of things from, say, Akaashi or Shirabu. his ambitions with the band are both clear-cut and pretty abstract, just like Bo himself.

Sometimes you meet a person for the first time and don’t even need to talk to them. You take one look and know that they’re someone meant for you. All you need is for your eyes to lock once and something in your head says, ‘This one? Yeah, they’re your best friend.’

Tetsurou is his best friend.

Well, he’s his best friend aside from Akaashi, but Akaashi isn’t here and even with that guy, he didn’t click nearly as quickly as he did with Tetsurou. Seeing him walk into the room for the first time and ask if they still need a frontman for his and Kiyoko’s band was enough to immediately like him. Something about him just feels right.

He knows Tetsurou feels the same way because he mentions it a lot, usually alongside some sort of insult Koutarou doesn’t believe. He might not be the brightest, but he can tell when people are being honest.

That’s why they’re here right now, at some guy’s boring party that they’re way too good for, but it’s okay because they’re together and his best ideas come when Tetsurou’s around.

“Hey, let’s go to the hall!”

Tetsurou looks up at him from his phone with a raised eyebrow. “The concert hall? What’re we supposed to do there?”

“Check out the stage, of course!” After all, they need to know what it’s like to be up there if they’re going to play there, and in less than a week. Cassiopeia are expecting their best and most importantly Koutarou is too. There’s going to be a lot of people watching them and not giving it their absolute all would be an insult to everyone.

“Can we do that? I thought it was closed. I don’t really wanna break in.” Tetsurou doesn’t look too convinced, but he expected that. With a grin, he reaches into his pockets and pulls out a familiar set of keys.

“It’s not breaking in if you have the keys, Tetsu.”

He stares at the keys for a long time before reluctantly pointing at them and giving Koutarou a suspicious look. “Where’d you get those?”

“Uh, from the janitor. I asked if I could in case we needed to get in earlier and he said okay. He’s a cool guy!”

“What kind of terrible business practice is that?” Tetsurou asks and shakes his head with a sigh. “Well, I guess we could say we just went really, really early. Fine, let’s go.”

“Alright!” He jumps at him and puts his arm over his shoulder, pulling him along. “Pretty sure they’ve got instruments there too!”

“If you say so.”

Sometimes Tetsurou reminds him of Akaashi. Maybe that’s why they get along so well, even though Tetsurou is much more spontaneous and relaxed than Akaashi. It’s easy to compare the two, as the most important people to him outside of his family, and sometimes he feels like he has a type when it comes to the people he surrounds himself with. Kiyoko is rational too. And Kenma … Well, Kenma is just quiet, but he’s pretty smart as well.

Koutarou’s always been the loud, rowdy one. It’s a role he likes to play – he doesn’t have to pretend he’s anything he’s not and as long as it can cheer the people around him up, he’s happy with it. Nothing is more annoying than someone who brings the mood down on every occasion. He’s not the type to try and be overly serious when he doesn’t absolutely have to be. It’s boring. Sitting still isn’t his forte.

That’s probably the reason why Tetsurou steals his car keys as soon as he unlocks the car.

“Hey! Those are mine!” He’s not drunk or anything, he can drive just fine, thanks.

“I’m not sitting in a car that you’re driving, sorry Kou,” Tetsurou says with a snicker that reminds him of a cat.

“I drove us here!”

“Semi did, don’t lie to me.”

Damn it, he hoped he’d forgotten. Why was Semi driving his car anyway? They’re friends, sure, but not good enough friends to let him drive his car. What was he thinking? To be fair, they got there in one piece, but now Semi has disappeared on them anyway.

“How can I trust your driving?” he starts, but Tetsurou just snorts.

“I mean, I wouldn’t know, last time I drove you fell asleep no five minutes in.”

“Don’t— Don’t remind me!” He feels himself flushing and turns away to hide it. He can’t argue with that. He’d never fall asleep in a car that’s being driven carelessly. But he has a license too, and this is still his car! “Akaashi wouldn’t steal my keys!”

“Akaashi has no license, you dumb.” Tetsurou reaches out to ruffle his hair, which Koutarou immediately slaps away with an indignant squawk. “And if he did, he’d absolutely steal your keys. And your whole car probably.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Hazard prevention. Now c’mon before it’s morning and we’re still here.”

He takes back everything he said, Kuroo Tetsurou is a terrible person and should not be associating with him.

But that doesn’t stop him from sitting down in the passenger’s seat anyway, and it doesn’t take more than a few minutes of bickering and singing along with the radio that he’s already forgotten he’s supposed to be mad.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Tetsurou tries to come across as this unshakeable, collected cool guy who isn’t afraid to do something illegal but Koutarou knows the truth, and so he isn’t surprised that he’s getting second thoughts. Even though they’re not breaking in. Or doing anything that’s forbidden. Even if they were, that guy needs to learn not to take things so seriously. Life isn’t fun if you don’t take risks.

“This is a great idea,” he says, unlike Tetsurou not bothering to lower his voice. Nobody else is here anyway. “Come on, it’s this way to the stage!”

The door to backstage is locked and his key doesn’t work on it, but they can enter the main hall and climb onto the stage from there without a problem.

From here, it looks much bigger than it did when they went in and looked at it from the audience’s side. Maybe it’s because the audience would only look at the stage while the people playing have all of them in their view, but it’s huge and really exciting.

He can imagine this place being packed and people cheering and singing along when they’re playing, and it’s loud and bright and hot and he never wants it to end.

Right now the seats are all empty, but they won’t be on their concert.

Well, technically it’s not _their_ concert, but who cares. Playing opening act for Cassiopeia is still pretty nice. And one day Cassiopeia’s going to play opening act for them instead, when they’ve become famous, because they absolutely will become famous. There’s no other way. They’re too good not to.

“Woah,” he hears Tetsurou breathe next to him. “It really feels different.”

“Of course! This isn’t just a club or a hotel or whatever. This is where the stars perform, Tetsu!”

It could still be bigger, that’s for sure, but they’ve only just started last year. In no time flat they’ll be standing on an even greater stage, they’ll fill the stadiums and be known worldwide as a sensation … The number one band in all of Japan.

Tetsurou puts his hand on Koutarou’s shoulders to lean forward and whisper, “Can you hear them? Owl-pa-ca! Owl-pa-ca!”

“That’s such a weird thing to shout when you think about it.”

“Hey, we agreed on this name as a group!” He takes his hand off his shoulders again and steps next to him, and when Koutarou looks at his friend, he sees him staring into the distance as if he was far, far away. “We have something really good going here. Everyone’s counting on us to make it.”

He’s right. It’s not just about them – all their friends are cheering them on. There’s Akaashi, and Kanoka, and Oikawa, and Sawamura … And that’s only four of them. A lot of people want to see them succeed. There’s not much more they can do but make them proud, right?

Koutarou isn’t holding back his smile, but if he was, he’d probably fail at it. “Yeah. Let’s give it our all.”

When he started the band last year, all he wanted to do was play some music on his own terms. The high-class clubs in the oh-so prestigious Musical Academy of Karasuno are nice and all, but they’re so stilted. Koutarou wants to play freely, drum along with the rhythm of his heartbeat instead of conforming to one big entity. Choir or orchestra or dance groups … Those aren’t his world. But finding these three people and making something that’s entirely their own has been nothing but a great experience.

He would have been fine if they’d just kept playing in basements and shady clubs. But somehow, they got out there, and he isn’t letting this first true opportunity go to waste. The people coming to see Cassiopeia soon will be amazed by their opening act, and Owlpaca will grow.

Without even looking at him, he knows that Tetsurou is thinking the same.

Suddenly the intense urge to hug him flares up inside him and he’s never been one to suppress that sort of thing.

“Hey!” Tetsurou exclaims when Koutarou crashes into him from behind, unable to hold back his laughter. He may be shorter than his friend, but he’s bulkier, and he has a death grip few can escape from. He’s not letting him go anytime soon. “Do you want to kill me before the show starts?”

“We can play from the afterlife, it’s fine! We’ll be the first-ever all-ghost band.”

“You and the other two would have to die for that too! And don’t even think about hurting Kenma.”

Kenma, Kenma, who cares about Kenma right now? It’s just the two of them, up on the stage, where they belong.

He’s still holding on to Tetsurou when they’ve quieted down, still staring into the audience. It doesn’t feel bad like this; they’ve done it a million times before after all, if at different times. He’s always afraid to be breaking Kiyoko or Kenma when he hugs them, but Tetsurou, although skinny, seems indestructible. Sometimes he reminds him of those cat photos online where they fit into the smallest and most deformed places just because they want to. Occasionally he sees his friend lounge around in their practice room like that too.

Koutarou is an owl person for sure, but he finds he likes cats too.

“What are we doing after we’re done with school?”

It takes him a moment to register Tetsurou actually asked him that, but when he does, the question feels cold and unpleasant, and he lets go of him to take a step back and think. He hates considering that. He hates thinking that it has to end eventually. They’re at Karasuno to get an education after all, and Tetsurou wants to go into teaching, while Koutarou … Isn’t sure yet. All he knows is he wants to keep being a drummer.

When they’re done, they may not have the time to keep this going.

But if this blows up – if they make the dream happen – if their band turns into something big enough to finance them – none of that matters, does it?

That’s the thing. They can’t know that right now.

Some people would be scared at that uncertainty, but to Koutarou, it’s strangely comforting.

“Who knows?” he says and smiles at Tetsurou when his friend turns around to face him. “That’s then. We’ll see when we get there, I guess. All I know is I want this to keep going for as long as it can, and the rest … Will work itself out!”

Tetsurou looks at him for a long time. His eyes are widened like he’s just been told the answer to the universe, his mouth is opened ever so slightly as if he wants to say something but nothing comes out. He’s staring at Koutarou in a way he’s never seen him stare before. Usually it’s because he did something stupid, or because he said something interesting, or just because. But this feels different. Warmer.

“Let’s practice,” his friend says, and obviously gone are all his doubts about breaking in here – it’s still not breaking in! – when Koutarou grins and hurries backstage. He knows for sure he’s seen a guitar here, and drums … Well, he’ll just need to drum on something that isn’t actually a drum. Wouldn’t be the first time.

The guitar is pretty as far as guitars go, or so he thinks because he really has no idea about guitars. It’s red with little golden star stickers that would probably glitter if they had better light. Tetsurou isn’t really a space person, that’s Oikawa’s job, but he does always remind him of the colour red, so it suits him well enough.

“Is this even tuned?” Tetsurou asks with a raised eyebrow and points at the instrument when Koutarou comes back up on stage.

“No idea. Can’t you tune it?”

“I mean, I guess …” He runs a hand through his hair and his expression turns sceptical again. Scaredy-cat. “But if I do, people are gonna find out someone used it.”

“Nobody’s gonna care, Tetsu. Stop worrying and help me find some drumsticks!”

After a moment of consideration, he shrugs. “Sure, why the fuck not. Hold on.”

Eventually they find a pair of drumsticks, but no drum to go with it, so he grabs an empty paint bucket from backstage and brings it on stage as a makeshift instrument. There are a few pink stains of paint on it and it looks really old, as if someone just forgot it here months ago and never tidied up.

They have no amplifiers, but that doesn’t bother them – Koutarou tries his best to hold himself back with how strongly he’s beating the paint bucket so he can hear the soft singing of the guitar. Tetsurou winces upon the first sound and adjusts the tuning a bit – now obviously beyond the point of caring – and soon enough they’re playing, up on the stage with no audience to speak of, sitting on the floor like they have done in practice so many times.

“ _Can’t you stay with me for an overnight story?_ ” Tetsurou sings quietly to the tune of their newest song, one they’ve written together only two weeks ago. Even though they haven’t practiced it much, it’s easy to play, so they’re as close to perfection as it gets right now. “ _No regrets and no tomorrow._ ”

Koutarou closes his eyes and whispers along. His own singing voice is pretty terrible, but when they’re like this, it doesn’t really matter. “ _There’s some things that didn’t work out to well / but I really wanna try them again …_ ”

The guitar fades into nothing and it prompts him to open his eyes and ask what’s wrong—

Except he doesn’t get a chance to before Tetsurou leans in, cups his cheek, and kisses him.

Koutarou freezes in place and for a moment, his mind goes completely blank.

One, two, three heartbeats until their lips part again and they breathe out slowly and suddenly everything is too much.

He runs.

“Kou—”

He doesn’t know where he’s going, just off that stage, away from Tetsurou, through the hallway – he almost runs straight into a wall but somehow dodges it – just away, away, _away_ , until he finds an open door he can close behind him.

His breathing is erratic and his head is spinning but he somehow figures out he’s in the bathroom. Without thinking, he heads for one of the stalls and slams the door shut. Locks it. Sinks against it to the cold tiled floor and stares into nothing.

Tetsurou.

Kuroo Tetsurou.

His best friend.

Kissed him.

Koutarou’s heart is racing as if he’s still running and his face feels like he’s on fire and his lips are prickling with electricity he’s never felt.

Why did he kiss him?

Is he looking for him right now? Does he regret what he did? Does _Koutarou_ regret it? What is he supposed to do? Is he supposed to like this or hate this or want this or keep running away?

He wants to think about what the hell it is he’s feeling right now but the white noise in his brain is drowning out anything like rational thought. It’s all a big blur he doesn’t understand. Why is he alone? If someone was here to talk with him about this it’d be easier. If someone …

It’s only now that he notices a familiar weight in the pocket of his sweater. His phone. Of course. He can call someone – if the reception allows it – he can call someone to help him.

 _Akaashi_ , his mind immediately says. Of course. If it’s not Tetsurou, it has to be Akaashi. Even if Tetsurou was available it’d still be Akaashi. It’s always Akaashi when he needs someone rational and down-to-earth.

His hands are trembling when he looks for his contact and taps the call button.

No answer.

He’s at a practice camp with the choir right now, so he’s probably asleep. In which case he just needs to call him until it wakes him up. It’s not the nicest thing to do but he doesn’t know what else he _can_ do – Terushima is at that camp too and would probably hype him up even more, so is Oikawa who has enough to deal with in his own love life, and Kanoka isn’t good with the whole feelings thing. Kiyoko and Kenma are too involved. He knows nobody else well enough to be talking about this with them, and even if he did, nobody would be like Akaashi.

So he tries again.

And again.

And again.

After a while he loses track of the time, there’s only the repeat tapping of the button, the beeping sound of the connection being established, and lastly the mailbox, over and over and over again.

“C’mon, Akaashi, please,” he whispers and even though he’s being quiet, it echoes through the stall as if he shouted it off a cliff.

He doesn’t want to lose Tetsurou. But he doesn’t know if he’s in love with him – this came so suddenly, he didn’t ever consider the possibility but now it’s suddenly here and nothing makes sense anymore.

What should he do?

There's no response after what he thinks is his eighth call and he loses his resolve. His hand drops to his side and he stares at the wall, not thinking about anything for god knows how long, until— 

His phone rings – it takes him not a second to pick up.

“Bokuto-san? What happened?”

He’s never been so glad to hear his friend’s voice. “Akaashi!”

He has to help him. He doesn’t know how he could but he has to. This whole thing – their band, their career, their friendship – it all depends on him and Tetsurou and it’s worked so well up until now.

“Are you in trouble? Are you hurt? Is someone holding you captive? If you can call me you can call the police, don’t worry about it, they can help you—”

“Tetsu kissed me,” he blurts out and saying it out loud makes it all the scarier.

“What?”

“We were out partying and we went to the stage we’re playing on for the concert and played a bit and then he kissed me and now I’ve been hiding in the bathroom for half an hour or so … I don’t even know if he’s still there! Akaashi, what do I _do_?” It’s only occurring to him as he says it that Tetsurou might have already left. Oh god, he probably made him cry. The thought of it is enough to feel tears rising in his own throat.

He doesn’t want to hurt him!

Akaashi is quiet for a moment but he can hear someone else’s voice muttering something he doesn’t understand. When he speaks again, that makes a lot more sense. “Can I put you on speaker? Tooru is here.”

Oikawa knows Tetsurou better than Akaashi does so it’s probably a good thing, but he feels a little sting in his heart upon those words. His friend’s feelings for Akaashi are one of those secrets he pays special attention to not letting slip out, both for Oikawa’s sake and Akaashi’s, and his own because he doubts he’d live through that if he did. Recently they’ve been getting closer though – and here he is and may as well have just destroyed his friendship with the person who has a crush on him.

Does Tetsurou have a crush on him, even? Is it something more? Something less?

“Yeah, sure, go ahead,” he finds himself saying, “I need all the help I can get …”

He repeats what he said to Akaashi and it’s that one who speaks up again when he’s finished. “Do you like him?”

Well, does he? He likes him as a friend, but … He’s never had to think about if there’s anything more. They’ve always felt so natural just the way they were. “I … I don’t know? I guess? I’ve never really thought about it …”

A cough. More silence. He continues without waiting too long for an answer. What he felt up there on the stage – how easy it was – the way it made him feel when Tetsurou was staring at him like that – is that really enough? “I mean, I kinda wanna try, but … What if I fuck it up? I can’t lose him.”

 _Kinda_ isn’t how he does these things.

“You need to talk to him,” Akaashi says. “There’s no other way.”

“Yup, what he said,” Oikawa finally chimes in.

Talking to him. Facing that stupidly complicated reality. Tetsurou’s feelings, Koutarou’s feelings, and he has to put it all into words, which he’s never been good with. He doesn’t even know if he’s still here.

It’s all so much to deal with.

“What am I supposed to do?” he asks, his voice unable to be more than a whisper.

“First of all, get out of that bathroom before someone accidentally locks you in.” Oikawa’s voice. Koutarou still has the keys though, so it doesn’t really matter. “Then you track down Kuro-chan, maybe he’s still there, and you talk to him, properly. If you don’t know what you feel yet tell him that. Nothing good is going to come out of avoiding the topic, and that’s that.”

It’s obvious. He hates it. “I guess …” He feels like laying down and never standing up again. Just staring at the ceiling until someone finds him and drags him away. It can’t get much worse anyway. “Why does love have to be this complicated?” he asks, more to himself.

“It’s pretty simple, actually,” says Oikawa, who’s own feelings couldn’t be more straightforward. He has no clue what Koutarou feels like.

“I’m sorry I can’t do more,” Akaashi says and now he feels bad about him feeling bad, too. Maybe there’s a limit to how bad one person can feel, but right now it just keeps piling on.

“It’s okay …” he says as some sort of reassurance that doesn’t sound too helpful right now. “I guess it’s obvious what I have to do, but man …” Koutarou reaches out into the air as if there’s something that he can hold onto and make everything okay. “I don’t get my own feelings right now.”

“Seriously though, get out of that bathroom, it’s past two at night. Talk it out with Kuro-chan and then go home and sleep. None of us should be awake at this time.” He doesn’t have the energy to ask Oikawa why he and Akaashi are awake then. Choir practice camp sounds like enough of a drag as it is, they should sleep too.

“Yeah,” he mutters and shakes his head. “Good night, guys.”

“Call me if anything else is wrong,” Akaashi orders in his usual voice that implies he can’t bargain with him on this.

“Go to sleep,” Oikawa says.

The call ends and he’s alone with the silence again and now he understands even less – except for one thing.

They’re right. He has to talk to Tetsurou. There’s no other way. Their concert is coming up, he doesn’t have the luxury of being this selfish, and Tetsurou deserves an answer.

Suddenly determined, he stands up, unlocks the door of the bathroom stall, and leaves.

The concert hall is just as silent as it was when they came in, but without his friend by his side, it’s suddenly much more creepy than before. “Tetsu?” he asks into the darkness, but gets no reply.

He heads for the stage, but nobody is there. The paint bucket has been moved to the side alongside the drumsticks and the guitar, as if Tetsurou wanted to put them away but gave up on it halfway through.

Koutarou swallows.

“Tetsu?” he asks again, this time knowing that he’s alone.

He left without him. Of course he did. He was stuck in that bathroom for so long he’s probably given up on him, and now he’s somewhere out there, crying alone or maybe not, maybe he decided he didn’t care about this after all and he doesn’t know which option hurts him more.

For once in his life, he’s glad he lives in the Karasuno dorms rather than closer to Tetsurou, who has his own little house a bit away from school. Now that he knows he left him alone, he doesn’t feel like talking to him anymore.

Nobody is here now to take his car keys away from him and he doesn’t bother turning up the radio – just drives home in silence.

He has to make this right somehow, but right now, it feels like an impossible task.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for that ending ... I didn't wanna spin it too far, that's what the Kuroo oneshot is gonna be for. °^°


	3. Oikawa Tooru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Akaashi, was it?” Oikawa asks, his tone of voice cheerful, but his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Bo-kun told me about you. Didn’t shut up about you, actually.”_  
>  “Did he?” Of course he did. It’s Bokuto. “Sorry if I disappointed you or anything.”  
> “No, no, that’s not it.”  
> The fact that there is even an it is unsettling enough as it is. Keiji’s not the kind of person who gets noticed by someone this … Noticeable. Bokuto and Terushima do not count, they’re entirely different personalities, from what he can tell. He’s always thought of himself as a rather perceptive person, but it’s hard to get a read on Oikawa, at least so far.  
> “It’s ironic, though, that you’d sing Crystalline _of all things.”_  
>  “Do you know it?” Keiji asks warily.  
> “I wrote it, actually.”  
> Oh.
> 
> \-- Three World Lullaby, Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **set everywhere from the beginning to chapter 20**
> 
> this wasn't supposed to be a collection of scenes from the main story rewritten in Tooru's perspective but it kinda turned out to be. there's some new stuff too though. so it's not really one of these "you can read it without the main story" things like Bokuto's was. I mean, you could TRY, but it's really more of a fill-in-the-gaps thingy.
> 
> it did make me feel a lot of things though ... many a thing ... all the damn things

“So he just looks at me and tells me I don’t have any self-confidence and that I’m just afraid he’ll steal my solos? As if he has any idea what the fuck he’s talking about—Bo-kun? Are you listening?”

Bokuto is sitting next to him on the sofa in the common room tapping furiously on the screen of his phone and very much not listening.

“Bo-kun!” Tooru repeats. “I’m dying over here!”

“Sorry,” his friend says but doesn’t sound like he means it and he’s still not looking up. A few people pass by them and look at them weird, but Tooru doesn’t care. Tooru has things to _say._

“Who does he even think he is? He looked so insecure when I criticised him and then he goes and throws _that_ right in my face, and after he made such a mess of my song, too! I thought he was cute at first but honestly, what a jerk.”

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“ _Bo-kun!_ ”

He should be talking to Kuroo about this. Kuroo understands him. But Kuroo isn’t here in the dormitories, in fact he left before choir even started today, and when he wanted to complain to Daichi, all he got was a shrug and a “come on, it wasn’t that bad” before his so-called friend disappeared into his room.

Akaashi Keiji is a menace, or so he’s decided. A very pretty menace, but a menace nonetheless.

When Bokuto doesn’t show any signs of continuing to talk, still focused on his screen with a frown on his face, he just keeps going on his own. “You know, he was the guy I saw back at the open day and I thought I wanted to get to know him, he looked so nice listening to my song, but turns out he’s terrible. The absolute worst. God, I’m so mad!”

“Maybe you were too mean to him,” Bokuto finally says and now he wishes he’d stay quiet.

“I wasn’t! I was offering earnest, constructive criticism and _he_ just couldn’t handle it. He’s probably the type that can’t deal with not being complimented all the time. Those people who think the world belongs to them just because they can play some instrument and sing a little bit …”

“So basically like you?”

“ _No!_ ” He reaches out to punch Bokuto, but only ends up hitting the air. “Of course not! I’m not like that at all! It’s just that Akaashi guy—”

His friend’s sharp gasp interrupts his sentence and suddenly he has his complete attention. “Akaashi? Like Akaashi Keiji?”

“Uh, yeah.” It’s such a pretty name, too. Should go to a better person. Well, ‘Keiji’ is nothing special, but ‘Akaashi’ …

“Okay, you were too mean.” Before he can ask what the hell Bokuto is talking about, he’s being grabbed by the shoulders and owlish gold-brown eyes are boring into his with an intensity that would make him scoot away if it wasn’t for his hold on him. In an unusually menacing voice, he adds, “Akaashi is my best friend and he’s not the type to snap like this. If you hurt him, you’re toast.”

Tooru gulps.

Suddenly this whole situation feels a lot more dangerous – if there’s one thing he knows, it’s that he’d rather not be on the receiving end of the owl guy’s wrath. He could snap his spine in half without even trying.

But is this really true? Was he too mean to Akaashi? He was being honest, but well, he _might_ have been a bit harsh in how he worded it, especially that last part. In the heat of the moment, rubbing salt in the wound was the easiest thing to do, he just didn’t expect it to backfire like this …

Which sounds absolutely terrible now that he’s thinking about it.

“Oh my god, I _was_ too mean,” he whispers and Bokuto nods solemnly.

“Apologise to him.”

“What? No!”

He’s not wrong after all, and after what Akaashi said to him, an apology would just be admitting his own inferiority which, in fact, is not inferiority at all, thank you very much. If anyone has to apologise, it’s Akaashi for implying all those things about Tooru that aren’t true.

“Akaashi is a good guy! He deserves it!”

Instead of answering, Tooru reaches into his bag and pulls out a chocolate bar Tachibana gave him earlier. Bokuto snatches it out of his hand before he can even open it, tears off the wrapper, and eats it in two bites. “ _Hey!_ That was mine!”

Undeterred, his friend continues. “He’s a baritone, so you won’t have a lot to do with him anyway. So apologise and get over it. You don’t have to like him – but you should, he’s my friend after all – but at least be nice to him!”

“Like hell,” he mutters so quietly, Bokuto appears to not have caught it, which is probably a good thing.

If Akaashi apologises to him, maybe he’ll do the same in return, but just out of nowhere? No way. He has _some_ dignity left.

If everything goes well, they’ll just stay out of each other’s way until Akaashi ends up begging him for help because he really wants a solo but isn’t good enough to get it.

 

* * *

 

He wants to punch Nekomata in the face.

He doesn’t, of course, because Nekomata knows what’s best and is merely doing his job, but man, is he close.

“I’m thinking about giving out more duets this year,” was how he started. That was all fine and good – until he added, “I’m thinking about you and Akaashi for one.”

Is he kidding? He _just_ gave Akaashi one with that girl, Mai, and now he’s bringing it up for Tooru as well? Is his dislike for him not apparent? Though knowing Nekomata, said dislike may be exactly why he said that. He did hint on something like this before, which is why Tooru gave Akaashi his phone number last week, but this is the first time he’s saying it outright and is destroying all of his measly hopes that he just misheard his tone.

He and Akaashi had a somewhat pleasant conversation today before rehearsal started, though the air was still tense. It turns out that despite his burst of confidence when they first met, he’s quite the reserved person. Nonconfrontational, maybe, though with a certain sense of stubbornness in how he carries himself.

Tooru especially hates that he’s a better piano player than himself, and now he found out he plays the violin too, one of his favourite instruments he never had the time to learn.

It’s so difficult to keep his calm around him. He’s annoying, so annoying, in just how conflicting he is in himself, burning with competitive passion yet cold as stone, as if he wants to be calm and collected but only ends up coming across as aloof.

“Do you have a problem with that?” Nekomata asks with knowing smile. Fuck him.

“No,” he forces out and switches on his own smile, the one he uses when he’s giving up without wanting to show that he is. He can’t really argue with this – if he does, he’ll be accused of attempting to sabotage an innocent first year as well as his own chances. “No problem whatsoever, sensei.”

“Good, because I wouldn’t have accepted anything else anyway.”

Nekomata is a great director, good with people, wonderful at explaining things, and most of all experienced in the field, hailed as one of the greatest pianists the nation has to offer. He has Tooru’s utmost respect and there are few things more brag-worthy than to be able to call him his choir director. But he’s also very, very infuriating.

 

* * *

 

He doesn’t understand him.

It’s past midnight and yet he hears him sing, out there on the terrace, botching his part for _Spica_ commendably. It takes a special sort of skill to mess up this badly. He isn’t even getting the lines right.

Tooru only came out here because he wanted to see the stars, which are beautiful in Yukiyama as always, but he stumbled upon Akaashi practicing, if you can call it that.

With a quiet sigh, he decides to save him from himself.

“So I was right, it _is_ you I’ve heard.”

Akaashi winces and turns around, agitated. “I was just getting it right, why would you interrupt—” He stops mid-sentence when he sees exactly who is standing in front of him.

He’s wearing only a t-shirt and sweatpants and is visibly shivering in the cool air of late spring. What is he doing out here?

Tooru forces a smile. “Sorry, but you weren’t getting it right at all.”

After a moment of contemplation Akaashi breathes out slowly. It’s too warm for their breath to crystallise, but he thinks that if it wasn’t, he’d look kind of beautiful. “I wasn’t.”

He seems earnest enough, a bit worn down, as if he’s battling with something Tooru doesn’t understand yet. Even though his own feelings for him have been rather negative, he does want to find out what it is, so he sits down at a bench across from him, settling for a longer conversation. “What are you doing out here this late?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Akaashi says, but he’s not having any of it.

“You didn’t, though.”

Somewhat surprisingly, he gives in. “I can’t sleep. Terushima’s too loud.”

Oh, right, his friend, that energetic blond guy who stands next to him in rehearsal. He’s a bit exhausting, but he likes him anyway. “Right, you’re rooming with Teru-chan … Sorry. He does seem like the kind of person to snore, as say my great people skills.”

He’s not sure why he’s apologising so much. His main intention was to establish a power dynamic, show to him that he’s still superior no matter what, but it’s not coming through. Maybe it’s because Akaashi looks positively miserable right now, dark shadows under his eyes and still trembling in the cold.

“You just saw him on the bus, didn’t you.” It’s not a question.

“ _Specifics_ …” He looks away to stare at the floor. The terrace has been recently cleaned, it seems, as even in the dim light of only a lantern and the night sky, it looks spotless. Having a roommate who snores so badly it keeps you from sleeping sounds pretty terrible though. “I’m much luckier. Dai-chi is dead quiet. Or maybe just really dead. I haven’t checked for a pulse yet.”

He doesn’t know whether he says it to reassure or to hold it over him.

“Why are you still awake then?” Akaashi asks and sounds genuinely curious. Is he supposed to lie? Well, he has no real reason to, so …

“I’m a night person. It’s nice to be outside at this time, and the stars are really pretty here.” At Karasuno, light pollution does its work. It’s not a big city by any means, but enough to dim the beauty of the night sky he loves so much. Back at home, his sister would always take him on trips to the countryside, later with her son Takeru too, and they’d point out constellations. He has successfully shaped his nephew into a space kid.

When he finally turns his head toward Akaashi again, he’s looking up, strangely fascinated, like he didn’t even pay attention to it until now. There has got to be a lot on his mind.

It takes a moment until he comes back to earth. “You’re ruining your sleep schedule.” His voice is quieter now. Serene.

“And you aren’t ruining yours?” Tooru deflects to turn attention away from the slight blush on his cheeks. It’s likely not visible in this light anyway, but he still curses his body for reacting in such a way. He can appreciate pretty people and Akaashi is very pretty – too pretty. It’s messing with him. Yet another reason to hate him.

“No, Terushima is.”

Tooru stifles his laughter and looks at him for a while. He’s still trembling, maybe even more so than before, fiddling with his hands likely unconsciously. He seems to do that a lot, but he doubts he even notices it. He’s looking away right now and in the silence, it almost feels comfortable to be sitting here like this … Or would if it wasn’t for Akaashi’s constant shivering.

He can’t stand looking at this, dear god.

He’ll probably regret this down the line, but he stands up, takes off his woollen cardigan, and places it over Akaashi’s shoulders to keep him warm.

Akaashi blinks, clearly taken aback. “What?”

“Do you want to freeze to death? I can see you shivering, you know.” It’s somewhat of a success to see him blush as well. _Adorable._

He doesn’t miss the way he relaxes into the fabric.

“Now you’re going to be cold.” His voice is a bit stilted and awkward, which is also adorable.

He’s also not wrong, but like hell is he going to give him that triumph. “No, because I was smart enough to put on a warm sweater, unlike you. A t-shirt? Really?”

“I can deal with cold,” he very obviously lies. Tooru raises an eyebrow at him, but he shows no sign of backing down. “Heat is more of a problem.”

Well, if he says so … “Okay fine, if you want to believe that … Give it back then.”

He instinctively takes a step back and stares at him like he just proposed he kill a man. It’s strangely discomforting.

“Or not. But that means you owe me.” Having his own personal supplier of milk bread wouldn’t be a bad idea. It’s always so hard to come by back home …

“You gave it to me in the first place, I’m just playing along,” Akaashi shoots back and Tooru gives him his best pout.

“Be a little more grateful to your senpai, Akaacchi.”

He sees him hesitate for just a bit before he says, “I will be if _senpai_ stops calling me by that stupid nickname.”

His face betrays nothing, a perfect mask of apathy, and his tone is playful at best, but …

Tooru can thank only his years of acting experience for not skipping a beat upon hearing him say ‘senpai’ with such an emphasis. He doesn’t know if he’s aware of just how sensual he makes it sound.

“It’s _cute_ ,” he says just in time, voice betraying nothing but mock offendedness.

“It’s silly.”

“You have no taste.”

“Said the one calling Sawamura-san ‘Dai-chi’.”

He nearly gasps at the accusation – he spent a long time thinking about that one and will _not_ stand for this slander. “Okay, give the cardigan back.”

An ever so slight grin appears on his lips and he demonstratively pulls the jacket closer to him. “Actually, I think I’ll keep it.”

This is a good look on him. Very good. His faked shocked expression may partly be real. “You’re a demon with the face of an angel.” The last part slips out involuntarily – the last thing he meant to do was compliment him – but it’s _true_ , especially in this lighting, even when he’s clearly overtired. It’s terribly obnoxious. Tooru is aware he’s good-looking, but Akaashi is different; his beauty isn’t something that comes from a too long time in the bathroom or nice-smelling hair products or even harshly trained confidence. It’s fundamental. He just happens to be beautiful, just like his eyes just happen to be ocean green or he just happens to be tall.

“A jacket-stealing demon, alright.” If the compliment fazed him in any way, he isn’t showing it.

“And I’m the fairy tale prince fighting you for the affection of the princess …” What he doesn’t say is that right now, he feels more like Akaashi is his love interest in a modern fairy tale where the relationship is set off not only by fate, but also by playful banter. Which he definitely will not say out loud. Instead he looks around with a finger on his lips, playing along with the fantasy. “Where’s the princess, though?”

“Asleep, probably,” Akaashi deadpans and it’s both funny and too painfully real.

While it’s fun to be joking around like this, he doesn’t hate him in this very moment, and it leaves enough space for a budding feeling of concern. “Speaking of which … Are you sure you’ll be okay? It’s still funny now, but sleep deprivation isn’t a good thing, especially not during camp. Last year someone had to go to the hospital, you know.”

He would know, it was him after all. It’s one of those secrets of the choir that aren’t secrets – everyone knows something happened, but nobody will say a word about whom it happened to. It’s probably for the best. They swept it under the rug pretty efficiently.

“I’ll have to be,” Akaashi says with an unconvincing sigh.

“Maybe switch rooms with someone?” He can think of someone entirely unfazed off the top of his head – someone who’d sleep through the apocalypse and definitely wouldn’t mind rooming with the human equivalent of a sawmill. But …

“It’ll work,” Akaashi says, shaking his head. “Somehow. There’s got to be a way to shut him up, or maybe it’s just today.” Ah, the age-old tactic of lying to yourself. Tooru knows that one well.

It’s painful to be watching this, and it _would_ be fun to see his reaction. More than likely he’s not going to take the offer anyway, and if he does … Well, he’ll just need to deal with it. “Dai-chi sleeps like a stone.”

“No,” he immediately shoots back, understanding entirely what he just proposed. At least he’s not one of those totally literal types who can’t see deeper implications, like that annoying brat Tobio.

“Your own choice.” Tooru shrugs and smiles, and this time it’s less forced. Not hating Akaashi may be the better option, even though he won’t admit it out loud. No matter how fun it’s getting though, they do have to get up early, and he’s nowhere near the level of affection for him that he’d stay awake out of solidarity. “I’m going to bed now, you know where to find me. Good night, Akaacchi!”

He doesn’t receive such a sweet wish in return, instead he just says, “See you.” It hurts just a little bit.

Tooru leaves without taking back his cardigan and that night, he dreams of an angel with a familiar face stealing all his jackets from him.

 

* * *

 

Akaashi seems to be bound to him.

Tooru is there when he passes out into Daichi’s arms running laps, and soon after he actually does end up switching rooms. Now that they’re sharing one, he finds he sees a familiar flame in his eyes, one that could easily burn him up if he’s not careful. He knows it well. Too well.

No matter his feelings on Akaashi, he won’t let him suffer the way he did.

Unfortunately, his newfound roommate seems too stubborn to listen to him just like that, and even when he caves in, he still doesn’t quite believe him.

He’s frustrating. So, so frustrating, and, despite what he likes to project, fundamentally difficult to read. His emotions are easy enough to get, but he can’t get behind why he’s feeling those things in the first place.

He appears so vulnerable, but his true heart is obscured by walls Tooru feels personally challenged to tear down.

With those thoughts flying around in his head, it becomes increasingly hard to focus on anything. It’s probably a good thing he doesn’t have a solo, or he’d get chastised for it in the way that Akaashi doesn’t, because he thinks it’s clear to Nekomata too that his problem is going to be a chore to fix.

Soulless. His singing is soulless. He has a nice enough voice, and his technique is commendable, but he can’t bother listening to it much. He’s singing those words without understanding what they mean, and at their level, that’s not good enough.

And he just can’t understand why. Akaashi’s piano play is beautiful and full of emotion, so why doesn’t that translate into his voice?

Tooru is roaming the hallways of the hostel with all of those questions and no answers on his mind, headed toward a certain room with a certain piano he has missed quite a bit since they were here last. Monopoly from hell, which he won yesterday and is still very smug about, has gone into round two but he’s not feeling it tonight, he’d rather practice and surpass Akaashi’s piano skills to have something to hold over him. Well, that and because his pride is still kind of hurt from him playing his own song better than him. He’s warmed up to his overall performance a bit, to be honest.

When he reaches the door, he hears a piano. Someone snatched his practice spot. Of course. Who—

A familiar voice sings along without care to a warped happy version of _Crystalline_ and his heart stops.

The smile on Akaashi’s face is blinding.

He’s totally lost in the music, playing swiftly and messing up a bit but clearly not being bothered, and laughing occasionally when he makes a mistake. His cheeks are coloured just the palest shade of red, and he can’t help but think that _this is my song making him feel that way. This is my song making him smile like that._

Tooru stands and stares, not making a single sound as he watches him, and something inside him blooms up and feels like it wants to burst out of his chest.

Not hating him was one thing, but this feeling is new.

He wants to see him smile at him like that.

_Shit._

 

* * *

 

“I’m fucked,” Tooru states matter-of-factly and Kuroo’s expression isn’t changing from the unimpressed look he’s been sporting ever since he came here a day after the band’s gig.

“When are you ever not fucked?”

“I have my life under control,” he argues, but his voice involuntarily slips a few pitches higher and makes him sound very unconvincing. He takes another sip from his wine glass. “Just because I don’t seem like it when I’m drunk …”

“Oikawa, you’re drinking apple juice.”

“So what?! It’s a wine glass, so it makes me drunk!”

“It doesn’t work that way. Besides …” Kuroo takes the glass away from him and places it on the coffee table. “Why are you drinking from a wine glass anyway? Just because I told you you can get one from my kitchen doesn’t mean—”

“Shove it, Kuro-chan,” he mutters and sinks back onto Kuroo’s sofa. Kit Kat, the cat that looks like a carbon feline copy of his friend, hisses at him but doesn’t move away.

“Pray tell,” his friend says, undeterred, “what has you so figuratively fucked?”

“Oh, so you care about me?”

“I want to see you suffer, actually.”

Tooru sticks his tongue out at him and receives a raised middle finger in return. “You’re the worst!”

“I know. So why does Kou’s friend have you so agitated?” He wants to say something but can’t, only ends up moving his mouth without any words coming out and Kuroo laughs, an ugly high-pitched noise that sounds a bit like a strangled cat. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? You were staring at him for the entire thing, dude.”

“I— I was _not_ — Why did you even notice, weren’t you supposed to be focused on the concert?” He’s gesticulating wildly in a way that not even he understands, but hopes it’s getting his point across, that being ‘you’re full of shit and I hate you’. “Don’t lecture me about my love life if you don’t have your own under control, Mr. I’ll Sing A Love Song To The Person Playing The Drums On The Very Same Stage And Pretend He Won’t Notice!”

Kuroo winces and sighs, shaking his head. “Look, Kou and I … Forget about it. It’s not gonna work. More importantly though …” A smirk that immediately makes Tooru want to leave appears on his face. “So you admit you have love troubles?”

“It’s … You’re …” If he could strangle him right now, he would, but that’d mean several people being hell-bent on avenging his so-called friend and he still has a life to live. “Terrible. You’re absolutely terrible, Kuro-chan.”

He sinks back into the fabric of the sofa with crossed arms and Kit Kat jumps on his shoulders, digging his claws into him. It hurts, but not as much as the emotional turmoil he’s feeling right now.

“It’s almost disgusting how you dote on him. Since when do you care about people?”

“He’s gonna get himself killed if I don’t do anything,” Tooru whines. To be fair, maybe he’s exaggerating, and maybe it’s not that drastic, and maybe it just feels really nice to spend time with him … Damn it, hating him really was easier. “He’s just … _Ugh_. It’s a stupid crush on a stupidly cute guy. Might as well use it for good.”

“That’s uncharacteristically decent of you, personality-wise I mean.” Kuroo only narrowly dodges the pillow he throws at him. “If you like him, go for it?”

“It’s not like that …” Honestly, he’s not completely sure what he’s feeling right now. After actually talking to him, it’s kind of difficult to keep disliking him – once they get to having an actual conversation, it turns out they get along just fine. He’s still annoying though, but he also feels an intense desire to help him. Maybe it’s because the way he keeps getting in unfavourable situations without meaning to reminds him of Kindaichi, who may or may not have been his favourite kouhai in high school.

At least he has a bit of an idea of what to do music-wise … Even if that idea includes dragging him along on what could most certainly be considered a date. In any other case, he’d consider it a win-win situation. But he’s determined to keep up the helpful senpai persona he’s trying to build for himself – both for Akaashi’s sake and his own. Getting too attached will only lead to suffering later.

Now if his heart could understand that, that’d be nice.

 

* * *

 

It happens in a heartbeat.

Tooru knows what Akaashi is feeling right now, knows it very well. Messing up in front of an expectant audience when the spotlight is on you may be the worst feeling in the world.

Watching it from afar, unable to do anything, is just as painful.

He doesn’t think when he sees him running away after their performance is over.

“Oikawa! Don’t you dare—” Daichi’s voice, clearly angry at him for following Akaashi, fades into nothing.

The school is unfamiliar and confusingly built, but he has his eyes set only on the person in front of him, until he’s suddenly gone and the only thing guiding him toward him is the muffled sound of crying from one of the classrooms.

“Akaacchi, wait!”

It shouldn’t have been like this. He had a feeling, yesterday, during their practice, that something was going to go wrong, but he didn’t think it’d turn out like this. He thought all they’d get would be something subpar.

“Akaacchi!” The nickname feels wrong in his mouth when he calls it out again.

Akaashi is cowering under a table, shaking violently and almost gasping for air, digging his nails into the palm of one of his hands, the other scratching at the skin of his arm, staring at the floor with widened eyes.

He doesn’t waste any time to hurry to him and move his hands away so that he’ll stop hurting himself. “Akaacchi …” No, not that. “Akaashi, look at me. Look at me, Keiji.”

He’s not complying, so he gently turns his head to force him. He’s clearly out of it – what he needs is to know he’s not in that situation anymore. What did his sister always say? “Calm down … Try to breathe. In through the nose and then out through the mouth …” Back then she had a pattern for it to follow, but he’s not that lucky. He’ll need to improvise. “Follow along with me, okay?”

In and out. In and out. Calmly. In a regulated pattern. It’s difficult, but after a moment, Akaashi gets the hang of it, even if his breath is still shaky.

When he seems somewhat okay again, Tooru pulls him into a tight embrace.

This is terrible. Of all the things that could have happened, it was this. He’s lucky to know how to deal with things like these, or else he might have done more harm than good.

Seeing him like that – up on the stage, frozen stiff, silent as the night – he’ll never forgive himself for not preparing him for that. He knew it would be difficult. And he’s been through the same thing, so why didn’t he at least talk about it? A great teacher does he make.

“Everyone’s worried about you,” he whispers after a long while. It’s the truth; he didn’t catch much of it, but the concerned murmurs were hard to misunderstand. He hears Akaashi sobbing into his shoulder softly and it’s probably going to ruin this stupidly expensive suit jacket but that really doesn’t matter right now.

“They probably hate me.”

“Of course not, but Teru-chan’s going to cry if he can’t make sure you’re okay, and I’m pretty sure Mai-chan would kick your butt if that happened. Also, Dai-chi looked like he was going to kill me for running after you. That’s my fault, of course, but still.” That’d be the wrath of at least two people – he’s pretty sure Mai would kick his own ass too. She doesn’t seem to like him at all.

“Why did you come then?”

Why _did_ he come? It was an impulse more than anything. He knows he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he’d just left him alone, especially after seeing this. It’s a good thing he came.

Right now is probably a good time to bring _that_ up again. Tooru doesn’t feel particularly bad about it anymore, but the memory is still haunting, so he prefers to not think about it too much. It’s what Akaashi needs right now though, more than his hand combing through his hair and his gentle tone.

“Can I tell you a secret? Last year, at our final concert of the semester, in front of everyone and tons of important people … I had a solo, and I totally blew it. I mean absolutely. Forgot the lyrics for the first part, and when I remembered them again I forgot about a key change and ended up completely off-pitch. You’re not the first person who screwed up, and you won’t be the last. I know it hurts like hell though, so I don’t blame you for panicking. Just don’t do what I did, okay?”

Ah yes, that. What a nightmare it was. Everything that came with it too. Standing up on that stage with all the lights on you only to completely embarrass yourself can’t even be considered a good learning experience, it just plain out sucks. If it happened now, he doesn’t know how he’d react, but back then … Well.

“What did you do?” He didn’t think a whisper could sound this sceptical. It makes him laugh a bit.

“Uh …” How many things were that again? A lot of things. He hopes he has them in the right order. “Yelled at our director, got in a fight with almost all of the fourth years, and then when I somehow redeemed myself I practiced so much with a musical group at the theatre on top of choir and my usual workout that I passed out several times until Iwa-chan punched me for it and gave me a whole lecture about how I’m a complete idiot for being so selfish. And you don’t want to be punched by Iwa-chan, trust me. Although it  _is_  a pretty good way to clear your mind …”

That memory alone makes his arm hurt. Ouch. It was what he needed at the time; he only wishes he’d needed something less painful.

The director at the time wasn’t Nekomata, at least not full-time. He did help out, they kind of split it fifty-fifty, but the official leading director was a really angry old man he couldn’t stand. He retired after that concert, something Tooru thinks everyone appreciated, but man, did he leave his mark.

They don’t have all day to be sitting around here reminiscing though. If they don’t get back soon, everyone’s really going to worry. At least getting out of this classroom seems like a good start.

He reluctantly lets go of him and reaches out so he can pull him up. “Come on, let’s go. I promise it’ll be fine. Again, just don’t do what I did …”

Akaashi is still a bit weak on his feet, which he uses as a neat excuse to put an arm around his waist. He doesn’t miss how he leans into the touch a little, and now that he’s feeling a bit better again, those feelings he shoved to the side for a moment are bubbling up again.

 _God_ , this crush is going to kill him.

They step out onto a poorly lit hallway and Tooru realises he has no clue where they are. By the time they find their way again, the orchestra is playing, and they stop by the stairs to listen to them without being confronted with the rest of the choir, just for a moment.

He can thank his intuition for looking down and seeing a very awkwardly sized step. “Careful, Akaacchi.” Tooru almost trips over it – Akaashi does trip and nearly falls, but can keep his balance.

“Now it’s ‘Akaacchi’ again, huh.” If he’s trying to sound like he didn’t just say the first thing that came to his mind to distract from that, he’s not doing a very good job of it.

He picks up the conversation anyway, if only to defend his nicknaming skills, which are outstanding by the way. “It’s a cute nickname!”

“I don’t mind it,” he says, surprisingly, “I just noticed.”

That’s a new one. He always assumed he hated it. That was why he used it at first, until it just became what got used to addressing him as.

“You said ‘Akaashi’ earlier, and …”

Akaashi’s voice trails off into nothing and his heart skips a beat.

He did call him by his first name. It just felt right at the moment – something like familiarity, intimacy. Maybe he overstepped his boundaries though, not that he usually cares about that. He doesn’t really want to ruin his chances, if he has any.

The orchestra keeps playing on in the background, a fast-paced, exciting piece that plays along with the rhythm of Tooru’s heart. What does he say to that? ‘Sorry, it won’t happen again’? That’s not right.

Perhaps, though, just maybe …

“What do you want me to call you?”

It’s just a murmur, nearly a whisper. He half hopes Akaashi didn’t hear it.

But then, quietly, “Just use my first name.”

He can’t resist the urge to pull him a bit closer.

First names. That’s a big step. The only people who call him by his first name are his family and Tachibana, who calls everyone by their first name just because she feels like it. Not even Iwaizumi is on a first-name basis with him, and that guy’s pretty much his brother.

Akaashi, though …

He wants to hear him say it.

“Then you have to use mine too.”

It takes him a second to answer, and it sounds stilted when he says, “Tooru-san …”

San? Really? “Ditch the ‘san’!” That just sounds wrong. Please, no. “It’s Keiji and Tooru, just that. No need for formalities.”

It’s almost scary how easy it is to say his name, just like that. It feels good, in a way. Natural. Maybe he’s just imagining that.

“Tooru, then,” Akaashi— _Keiji_ says and Tooru hums in agreement, mostly because he doubts he can get any actual words out right now.

He’s trying very hard to keep up some cool, confident senpai persona right now, but it’s getting increasingly difficult. He doesn’t want to be that. This whole senpai-kouhai thing is just getting in the way. For Tooru, that’s easy to put aside, since he’s the older one and doesn’t really care about such things anyway beyond the usual formalities, but Keiji isn’t like that. He knows that. Damn it, he still calls his best friend ‘Bokuto-san’.

First names though? First names are one hurdle removed from the stony path to him seeing them as equals.

Tooru doesn’t know when exactly that became what he wanted. He’s still fully aware that it’d be easier if that hurdle stayed, if they just kept this strange mentor-student relationship going, but at this point he doesn’t care anymore.

Dear fucking god, he’s in love with him.

Step one is admitting that. Step two is _okay, now what the hell do I do?_ Does he even want to act on it? Is he going to hope it’ll just go away? He doesn’t want that either.

He wants Keiji’s happiness first and foremost but he’d like to be happy himself, too. If those things align, it’s going to be great. If not, it’s going to be suffering.

Either way, it’s not like he can change anything about his feelings now. Acting on impulse has brought him both bad and good things up until now, so it’s not the best way to go about things, but what else does he have?

He’ll just have to wait and see how this turns out.

He does know how he wants it to, that’s for certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad I can finally say this after writing 38 (almost 39!) chapters in Keiji's POV: rip Oikawa Tooru. they're both fucked, honestly.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! o/
> 
> hq!! tumblr: akaashi-tooru.tumblr.com/ come scream about rarepairs and Choir AUs with me please


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